empathy
by Asakami
Summary: "I wish I could have seen you every day when I woke up, sleeping, right beside me." Lightning/Vanille. FIXED
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: BIG ACCIDENT. Deleted old "Empathy" while I was editing it (more details on my profile), but it's okay, now I can rewrite the whole freaking thing. What fun. Thank god I still have the copies on my hard drive. And by 'rewriting', I actually do mean 'rewriting' (it's a lot more different now; very unlike the one from before). **_

**Warning: OOC on Lightning's part, because everyone loves an overly-possessive Light (at least I do :3), language, and, of course, sexual content.  
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><p><span>Chapter 1<span>

The brute settled down at the base camp after completing his task of gathering food for the crew. He was expecting a warm, _hungry _welcoming from his friends, but instead, he could feel an unpleasant tension in the air. The thickness was evidently coming from Fang and Vanille – they were, unusually, sitting apart from each other. Actually they had been doing this since they've arrived on Gran Pulse. "Um… what's going on?" Snow whispered to Sazh, thinking that the most mature of the group would understand, "Has the situation gone worse?"

To which the man responded by sighing and shaking his head. "Women…"

The huntress was sitting in one corner, her arms folded and her back facing the group. Vanille was sitting in another, beside Hope, pouting. Nobody really knew what they were fighting about, but it couldn't be anything more than a lovers' quarrel.

Sounds of soft footsteps approaching, Hope looked to the direction. "Oh, Light-san!" He called, seeing their leader coming back from her daily scouting. As usual, she returned with empty hands – the result of an empty exploration, and not a mission to gather food for everyone like Snow.

The strawberry-blonde nodded lightly at the boy. "Let's get going," She said immediately afterwards.

Snow cleared his throat. "Psst…" He gestured towards the Oerba girls, "Nee-san, I don't think… uh…" The blonde was trying to tell his to-be sister-in-law that the two weren't exactly on the right terms at the moment, and it wasn't _exactly _okay to talk to them right now.

Lightning raised a brow. Eyeing the girls, she found Fang sitting like a statue, and Vanille pouting like a child. She rolled her eyes. "What the hell, cut this out. Let's go." She held onto her hips and ordered strictly.

But nobody in the group answered – no one had the will to move anyway, since it was getting dark. Though all of a sudden, the redhead huffed and stood up. She gave one angry look at Fang's back and then ran off. Vanille brushed past her leader's arm gently – most likely, the girl was complying with her orders. There was no point in sitting around anyway, she must have been thinking. She just wanted to get out of this heavy tension.

"Oi, Vanille!" Sazh and Snow called.

Hope stood up, "Vanille-san, come back!"

"Shut up and leave her!" Fang yelled.

The group froze and eyed each other awkwardly.

Lightning, as the leader, exhaled with frustration. "Is this really a good time to be fighting?"

"Hn," The huntress remained in her cold posture, never turning back to look at her friends.

"Vanille-san is going to wander off really far…" Hope, innocently, was trying to amend the two's relationship by directing his words to Fang. The last thing he'd want was to see Lightning get angry again.

And Snow very much supported the boy with that thought. "… And it's getting late too…" He said, looking at the sunset.

"The kid's a good fighter, but…" Sazh joined in, "… I don't know if she can handle it during the night. Isn't she afraid of the dark as well?"

Even so, Fang just remained motionless, sitting there as if nothing was going through her ears.

Lightning grunted. "Oh, for the love of God." She rolled her eyes and followed after Vanille's trails.

"Nee-san, what are you—"

"I'll go get her." She said calmly and disappeared into the darkness of the woods.

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><p>Tired of running, Vanille sat down on a boulder. She clasped her hands together and rested them on her lap. Head down, she closed her eyes and listened to the surroundings. The truth was, she really wanted somebody – Fang, in particular, to run after her. She wanted comfort, she wanted someone… she didn't want to be alone. Just anyone…<p>

"I've been following your tracks for around an hour. You do realize that, don't you?"

Vanille snapped her eyes open. "O-onee-san!"

Lightning nodded lightly and crossed her arms. "It's going to take a while to get back." She was standing directing in front of the girl. "Why'd you run off?"

Her mouth hung open, she was prepared to tell her, but… "I… I don't…" but she couldn't find the right words, "I don't think I'm… close enough with her yet…"

_How odd_, Lightning thought. _Not close enough? _For a long time, she had been paying attention to the two Oerbans. They were always so close, so attached; they looked literally inseparable. Even when they were apart from each other, Lightning felt that they were still connected somehow. It was easy to tell – during the little time she spent with the girl at Lake Bresha and Vile Peaks, the ex-soldier could tell that she was hiding something, no, _looking _for something – someone – important. This theory was very much confirmed when she met Fang at Palumpolum, and when the huntress told her about their story. Their tragic… _love _story.

_It made her feel sick. _

"Should we head back?" Lightning questioned softly.

Vanille looked down at her feet.

Well, she clearly didn't want to, and getting that dreary reaction from the group earlier, even if they head back now, they wouldn't be travelling much, given that the sun had nearly set by now. The woman heaved a sigh and walked towards the redhead, sitting beside her on the large boulder.

Naturally, Vanille rested her head on the woman's shoulder, and she wasn't surprised that the latter didn't shake her off.

They listened to the calls of the creatures in the woods, the running river's sounds, and the soft breeze that moved with the trees. Lightning inhaled deeply; she was expecting fresh smells of grass and nature, but instead, she took in a sweet vanilla scent. Looking down at the girl, she couldn't help it but to feel calm and peaceful. Vanille had such a beautiful face… such an innocent aura… it made her so…

"Onee-san…"

Lightning swallowed. "What is it?"

Vanille didn't answer immediately. She lifted her head from her leader's shoulder and looked her straight in the eye. "Have you ever… dated before?"

If she weren't feeling so calm right now, she wouldn't even bother answering. But what was this…? What was this need to answer, what was this need to give in to this girl? She started, "Back then, when this fal'Cie nonsense didn't take over my life, yes."

"Did you like it? The feeling of being loved, the feeling of loving someone else… was it good to you?"

The ex-soldier took a deep breath. She tried to recall the so-called 'feelings'. It was vague, but she could definitely remember them being… soothing. "Why are you asking?" She answered, maintaining a cool tone.

Vanille's head fell back onto the woman's shoulder. "I… I don't really know if my relationship with Fang is even at that stage yet. I mean, sure, I like her, she likes me, our feelings are mutual, but… I don't think I love her enough…" She paused, swallowing hard. "… We haven't even done it yet…"

_Haven't even done it? _

Feeling slightly awkward, Lightning began, "And you're telling me all of this because…?"

A moment of silence passed by, and Vanille, like before, stood up without warning and turned around to look at her leader. Standing right in front of Lightning who was still sitting on the boulder, she answered, "I-I don't know… I just think that you could give me some advice…"

_Don't tempt me, girl. _

Lightning was already expecting her to say something like this the moment she jumped up by surprise like that, but she did not expect her to ask so _straightforwardly_. Her expression never changing, the leader replied, "Are you trying to be funny, here? Go figure this out on your own." She stood up. "Get out of the way."

_Don't tempt me, otherwise, I…_

But the girl stayed still. She blocked her leader's path, and at the same time, they did not break eye contact.

"Get out of the way." Lightning repeated.

Vanille ignored her.

"Move."

She refused to do so.

Lightning narrowed her eyebrows. If the girl was unwilling to move, then she would make her move. She grabbed onto her shoulders and intended to push her aside, but—

Vanille tiptoed just as the woman was going to move her, and pecked Lightning lightly on the lips.

"…"

_Oh, man, what have you done? _She didn't know what came over her. Vanille only did it because… well, she didn't know why, but her body just somehow moved on its own. Her self-control didn't jump in at the right time, and that was why she… abruptly… _kissed_ Lightning Farron. "I… onee-san, I'm…" She had the intention of apologizing; she wanted to explain that some haunted thing overcame her which made her behave so damn strangely, but…

"What… the fuck… was that…?" Lightning pronounced each word loudly and clearly. Blood was rushing up her head, and clearly, she was blushing mad like a little girl. Slowly, she released the girl's shoulders and clenched her fists. Instead of planting a punch on the girl (which was obviously her intention), she moved it up to her chest, feeling her pounding heart. Her other hand moved up to feel the intensifying heat on her cheek. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know how to react. How could… how could _anyone _even _dare _to come so close to her?

Vanille's throat had long been dried. She was going to get beaten up – she knew it. "S-sorry… I don't know what I was doing…" Her voice was shaking, "I… onee-san…"

Was this the feeling that Fang got all the time? Was this the reason why Fang was so protective over the girl? The fact that every move she made was innocently seductive. She continued to stare at Vanille, who was trying her best to look away without being rude.

_You want her. You can have her now, nobody would know. Do it, Lightning, do what you want. __**Claim **__what's yours FOR ONCE._

"Vanille,"

"Y-yes!" She stood up straight upon hearing her name from the ex-soldier.

Lightning pushed herself off the boulder and took a step forward, her face was mere inches away from the girl's, and she could swear, they were so close, their thundering heartbeats were audible to each other. She gazed into Vanille's emerald orbs. Whispering, "You asked," Lightning wrapped an arm around the shorter girl's waist, placing her palm flat on the small of her back.

Vanille gasped at the contact.

She finished, "… and I will answer."

The girl pulled her head away to look up at the woman, "Onee-sa—" and was immediately interrupted by those lush lips of hers.

It was a chaste kiss. A kiss of softness, gentleness, just… nothing that was too outrageous. But when Vanille opened slightly to gasp for air, a spark lit within Lightning, fuelling an urge, a need, a _passion_ to attack the girl, to abuse her. She bit onto her lower lip, earning herself a louder squeak from the redhead.

Vanille yelped. Her reaction was instant; she moved her hands up to hold onto the strawberry-blonde's biceps, squeezing them to match the woman's strength on her own lips.

Lightning continued to nibble on the girl's lower lip, controlling herself to do it as gently as possible. Vanille had yet to show any reaction – the ex-soldier was the one in command right now, and she decided to take it further a step. She wanted the girl to beg for more, she wanted Vanille to initiate it, and she wanted her to… to just…

_I want you to just…_

"Hnn…!" Vanille gasped sensually as Lightning's tongue came in contact with hers. Disgusting. She knew this was wrong, she knew _very well_, but it felt so good… there was no way that she was going to let this stop. _No way. _She was… she was doing this for Fang, yeah… she was doing this so that Fang could appreciate her more, so that she could satisfy the huntress she adored. _Yeah, _she was only _learning _from Lightning – this wasn't anything bad. _Not at all._ Her arms slid upwards to hold onto the taller woman's neck, pulling her closer at the same time so that she could explore more of her.

The girl was kissing back. This girl that belonged to somebody else was kissing her with so much need, and… and Lightning couldn't help it anymore. She grabbed onto Vanille's thighs and lifted her up. Swiftly, she exchanged positions with the girl, with the latter now lying on the boulder. Lightning broke away from the kiss to stare at the girl. The woman wanted this _desperately, _but she had morals, and these morals were telling her to stop messing with someone else's girl.

_Who are you trying to kid? She's yours, Lightning, have her._

"Onee-san…"

When Vanille moaned her name like that, it only made Lightning realize how much she wanted her to _scream _it. Her voice was so sweet and enticing… it just made her want to violate that little body of hers. She wanted to admit that she didn't care if Vanille belonged to Fang – _oh, yes she did_ – but was this really a good time to be doing this? To have sex in the middle of nowhere, and when they were defying fate? Was this really appropriate?

Vanille could see the uncertainty in Lightning's eyes. So many questions and doubts clouded in that blue colour, floating around all at once. She could almost read them all, because she was thinking the exact same things. This was for Fang, she had convinced herself of that, but why was Lightning doing this? Why was her cold, bitter, and quiet leader doing this so willingly? She couldn't simply be 'giving her advice', right? That kiss they shared seconds ago, it wasn't raw lust or need; it was full, passionate, and she could swear that she felt _something_ from the woman as they kissed. Vanille decided to ask – it wasn't like she could lose much anyway. "Why?" She whispered.

Lightning had no intention of answering. She continued to stare, blankly.

"Why are you doing this…?"

Her lower lid twitched, and then slowly, her brows narrowed. "I'm simply showing you… as you have asked." She answered coldly.

"Don't lie," Vanille said, "Do you… have feelings for me?"

Lightning smirked. "Me, feelings for you?" Looking away, she snickered. "Don't make me laugh."

"Then let go of me."

She couldn't do that. Truthfully, Lightning was afraid. She was afraid that Vanille would run away once she let go… she would run back to Fang. Why did it matter?

_Claim her, Lightning, if you want her. _

Why? Why was she scared of something this absurd? Why _fear _of all feelings? Lightning didn't know. She had no idea. This was the first time she had been so close to the girl, but already, she didn't want her to leave. She wanted this girl all… to _herself. _"I can't."

Vanille knew she should be concerned, but deep inside, there was a feeling of relief; she liked the woman's answer.

"I know this is wrong, but I can't let go," The woman grunted. "And you know too, Vanille…"

"But I can't let go either." She finished for her.

Lightning sighed. So it was confirmed; the girl was going through the same doubtful feelings. "I am not Fang." She said, almost sadly.

Vanille tightened her grasp around the ex-soldier's neck. She nodded, "I know." Hesitantly, she leaned in, "I know, but…"

"This is wrong."

_Why bother with the good-girl act, Lightning? _

It wasn't like she had been ignoring that god damn voice in her head; she was listening all along and, _hell_, did she want to oblige to it. What was the point in following morals anymore? It wasn't like the Goddess was watching over her. She wasn't guarding, or blessing her. She already took everything away – Serah, her family, her freedom – so what was wrong with doing something she wanted for once?

"Tonight, I need this more than anything." Lightning suddenly said.

"Just tonight…" The girl whispered in agreement. Her fingers played with the soft hairs on the woman's nape, testing the ex-soldier's reactions as their lips moved in closer. "Please, onee-san…"

She couldn't resist any longer. Lightning was trying her best to hold back, to use the last of her resolve to control this overwhelming feeling of lust, and only – _really? _– lust. She wanted Vanille's body, lips, hands, eyes, _everything_, because they were all screaming for her touch. Those slender legs that were still strapped around her waist – oh, god, how she wanted to touch them. The warmth in between the girl's legs, it was touching her navel area, and… _god…! _"Just… this once…" She moved closer, her body literally crushing Vanille's smaller frame by now, and kissed her once more.

Small, sensual breaths and gasps escaped her mouth every time they parted briefly to discover new angles for the kiss. These sounds she was making – Vanille had to admit, it was turning herself on; she couldn't imagine the impact it was giving the woman. But she could care less – this felt so right in such a wrong way, she wanted to scream it out.

Lightning finally released her bruised lips. Moving down slowly to her neck, the ex-soldier sucked lightly on the girl's sensitive skin.

"Aa—aah!"

She went on to bite her collarbone. Vanille threw her head back and bit onto her lips to prevent herself from making any more weird noises. Unintentionally, she arched her body, and her leader reacted quickly; holding her up in that position, she bit harder, drawing blood from her skin.

"Onee-san…! Don't – they'll see it…!" Vanille forced her eyes open to look down at the strawberry-blonde.

Lightning ignored her and lapped up the blood that tasted so much like metal with the tip of her tongue. Her hands moved down, feeling the softness of Vanille's skin. She thrust a knee up to part the girl's warmth, and, as expected, she could feel a hot dampness there – Vanille was more than ready. She pulled away to stare at her, smirking, "Do you really think I'd care?" She dipped her head back down, this time burying herself in the redhead's bosom.

A droplet of sweat rolled down Vanille's flushed cheeks. _Oh god… _S-she… Lightning looked so incredibly _hot _just now—

"Nothing matters right now…" The woman interrupted her thoughts. She lifted the girl up by her legs and got away from the boulder, placing her flat onto a bed of tall grass below. Lightning trapped Vanille in between her legs, and with urgency, she removed her gloves. Throwing them somewhere behind her, all of the attention she had were then shifted onto the girl underneath.

_I'm going to ruin you._

The girl blinked in surprise. She already agreed to this, so what was with the sudden aggressiveness? "W-what… onee-san…?"

"You can pretend that I am _her_."

She shuddered. The softness in Lightning's voice drove Vanille over the edge.

"Pretend that I am _her_ as I do this…" And without warning, Lightning attacked the girl's lips. So much force was used that Vanille squeaked with pain. As she drove her tongue into the girl's mouth, her free hands found the opportunity to remove the Oerban's accessories. Strange, but she did so with ease; everything that got in her way came off. The necklaces, bracelets – everything – including that pink tank top, the fur pelt, her weapon pouch, and even that bright orange-yellow skirt – leaving the girl lying there with nothing but her pair of panties.

Vanille, out of reflex, crossed her arms and turned to the side to cover herself up. She wondered why she didn't stop Lightning when she was stripping her, but it was too late to think of that now. But perhaps it was because she was entranced by those eyes that never left her. The woman's beautiful eyes somehow put a spell on her – it prevented her from moving.

Lightning's face was straight. She moved the girl back, making her lie flat on the ground. Grabbing her wrists, the woman didn't have to use much effort to pin them to either side of Vanille's head, as the girl wasn't even resisting. When the ex-soldier caught the redhead's eyes filled with fear, she smirked again, and dove in to lick the wound she left earlier on her collarbone. The girl instantly arched her back into the stinging sensation. Pleased with her reaction, Lightning's tongue trailed lower, lower, and lower, all the way to the tip of one of Vanille's breasts.

"Aaah…!" An electric chill went down her spine. The girl shut her eyes as she let another moan escape her lips.

The woman then bit onto her erected nipple, tugging on it with her teeth as if she wanted to bite it off.

"Please… please… onee-san, it hurts…!" She whimpered painfully.

That sounded like music to her ears. "But you enjoy it, don't you?" She moved to her other breast, giving it the same treatment.

"Aah!"

Such a cute squeak, she thought. "You're so sensitive…" Lightning purred. The girl's blush deepened, and that was enough to refill the drive in the woman – not that she was running out in the first place. Lightning released her wrists and moved her hands to do what her teeth did to the girl's nipples before, this time doing it simultaneously.

God, this woman was skilled, in so many ways.

While a hand remained on her breast, Lightning moved the other downwards. She traced the girl's abdomen feather-lightly with her fingertips just to tease around, and then stopped when she reached the base of Vanille's panties.

This was it. Vanille's heart rate was increasing, but she wanted this more than anything. It was, after all, _for Fang. _She closed her eyes. She tried to imagine Fang being on top of her. She tried… she really did. She tried to convince her mind that this sweet scent of Lightning's that surrounded her was actually Fang's heavy one. That hand that was massaging her breast, that hand that was so close to her warmth… everything was Fang, the woman on top _was Fang…_

_It made her sick._

Lightning squeezed harder. She was literally clawing Vanille's breast by now, yet the girl below was merely moaning into her touch. She was hurting her, but she was enjoying it. The stupid girl was enjoying this only because she _was Fang. _There was no love at all. This was simply a test, an experiment; there were no mutual feelings, no love, _nothing_.

Vanille opened her eyes. "Fang…" She moaned as she looked at her leader. The girl thought that by hypnotizing herself into thinking that it was Fang, like Lightning suggested, everything would work out. But the person on top of her wasn't Fang. It just wasn't her… Lightning was Lightning, Fang was Fang… they were two separate beings.

"Damn it…" The ex-soldier grunted under her breath. She had convinced herself that she was doing this merely for her own entertainment, but when she caught sight of the girl's emerald eyes, she lost it. Her hands began to tremble. "Vanille…" She called out accidentally and pathetically. Countless, impossible-to-answer questions surfaced in her mind. Why was she losing to her emotions now? Why Vanille? Why… why couldn't she be the one to have met her first? Why couldn't she be a Pulsian? What was with all this shitty timing? Why couldn't she be in Fang's position? Why now…? Why did it have to be Vanille…?

Seeing her troubled expression, the girl looked to the side. "I… I can't do this…" She whispered, "You're not Fang, and this is wrong… even if I want this—"

"Had you met me first…" Lightning cut her off.

"…" Vanille shifted her gaze back to the woman.

"… would you… have fallen for me?"

The girl stayed silent.

"Vanille," Impatience went with her voice. She was desperate for an answer.

"I…" _What! _What was Lightning asking? "I don't know…" She said quietly.

"You don't know…" The woman snickered and shook her head. "It doesn't matter. But I know that I," her finger still between the girl's legs, she pushed her panties aside, "need this _right _now."

Vanille gasped, "Onee-sa—aan…!" Her voice rose; she had been interrupted by Lightning's finger; it was driven deep within her – it was _inside_… where even the girl herself had never explored, that she had never even thought about touching. It was something she wanted to save for _her_.

"I never, ever get what I want." Lightning growled as she plunged deeper into the girl's core. Vanille was getting wetter and wetter as she penetrated deeper; bits of her juices dripped onto the grass below, mixing with the dew. Increasing the speed, Lightning's thrusts became as equally violent as the redhead's rising voice. Her thumb played with the hardened bud, rubbing it in a circular motion as she plunged a second finger into the girl, setting a new, steady rhythm.

Vanille was overwhelmed; she was lost in bliss. This was a sensation she had never once before imagined. She couldn't control her voice, but she didn't care. Whatever she was calling, moaning, begging, screaming for… the girl didn't care. All she knew was that she needed more of this. Her hips moved with the woman's fingers, desperate for a satisfying climax. To her dismay, however, Lightning suddenly stopped. She snapped her head up to eye the woman with confusion. "Why… why did you stop…?" The girl panted.

Lightning brought her soaked fingers to her mouth. She looked at the wetness with wonder, and then lapped on the liquids like a cat. "Beg for it." She said coldly.

"… Eh…?"

"I am not Fang." She continued to lick her fingers, "Call my name… _moan it_, then I'll satisfy you, the way you want me to. Or, you can go back to her now, and let her do it."

The girl didn't know what to do. This was her last chance to decide, and this woman was giving her the right to decide. She could still turn back now, back to Fang, apologize, make up, forget about their stupid quarrel completely, and be a happy couple again. Either that, or she could stay with this selfish woman who was making her feel so _damn good—_

"Answer me."

Vanille looked at her leader angrily. "You're a selfish person." She declared.

She laughed – _yeah, laughed –_ "As if you're not."

"I am." The girl said immediately, "More so than anything." Her eyes softened. "My selfishness cost billions of lives. It cost an entire planet. And right now, my selfishness is going to cost the love Fang has for me…"

Lightning returned her angered look with one of her own. "What are you trying to say?"

"I don't want to hurt anyone again," Vanille explained. "Not any of our friends, not Fang… not even you."

She felt weak – this was compassion coming from the girl. Compassion – something lacking in her life since her parents' death. But she despised it. "I don't need this bullshit. I simply asked for you to make a decision now." Little by little, she pushed a finger back into her slit, because she knew that this would make her comply.

"Ah… uhhnn…"

"Me," Her finger was making a circular motion, stretching the insides the girl, "or her?"

"I… I'm already a liar and a traitor… so w-what's wrong with adding another title? W-what's so much about being… being a slut…?" The redhead reached for the collar of Lightning's white vest.

"You're wasting my time, girl." The ex-soldier grunted, "Make up your mind."

Lightning's fingers weren't pleasuring her, they were _torturing _her. She was so close, but the woman wasn't bringing her to it – she was dragging on this plateau phase – dragging it on so that she could answer her ridiculous question. "W-why are you giving me a decision? Why not just do it and then leave? That's what you want, isn't it?"

She flicked the girl's clit lightly, to which Vanille reacted by letting out a sensual gasp. "You wouldn't know what I want. Nobody would. Even if you did, you wouldn't know what to do. _I _don't know what to do."

"… Then what… what do you want…?" Her breath uneven, it was a wonder she could still talk like that.

A muscle in her jaw twitched. She ignored the girl, "I gave you a fucking decision, now make it." She demanded. With force, she pinched onto Vanille's clit.

"Hahh… aahh!" Her scream filled the evening air. Why couldn't she just answer her? What did she want? What was this woman hiding…? As the pain subsided, Vanille let out a breath of relief. "Onee-san…" She moaned. And, right away, she felt Lightning sigh against her ear. The girl widened her eyes.

_Could it be…?_

She pulled away slightly, enough so that she could see the woman. Lightning was wearing a subtle smile, and her eyes were closed peacefully. She looked… happy. "Onee-san…"

"Is that your choice?" She asked with her eyes still shut. "You're going to regret it."

She knew, of course. But just now, Lightning wore a smile, and it was the most serene of things she had seen. She wanted to see it again. "Onee-san…" Vanille called as she rewrapped her arms around the ex-soldier's neck, drawing her close for a kiss. She parted her lips and allowed her leader to explore her, letting her skilful hands do the same thing – one slithered around like a snake, feeling each curve and contour of her body, while her other one worked its magic, digging into her core the way she liked it.

Vanille was moaning something into her mouth, and it was the way she called her. Nobody else but Vanille called her 'onee-san'. Her fingers obliged to the girl's thrashing hips; she moved faster, deeper, and at times, she would suddenly slow down and then thrust in again at a shocking and violent speed. Vanille would react by grabbing onto her hair at the back of her head, tugging at her desperately. It was a form of communication during sex, Lightning knew, and that action usually translated into words like 'harder' or 'deeper'.

She was almost there – her insides were contracting onto the ex-soldier's fingers, her voice was getting higher and higher… Vanille was losing her mind. She pulled away from the woman's mouth to breathe, to scream properly as her hands clawed at the latter's back, creating markings on the leathery material of her white vest. Her legs were numb, but she refused to give up; they were still straddled around Lightning's waist, aiding her hips as she bucked them furiously. She was so close, _so close_, nothing else was on her mind but lust. Her screams of the woman's name was all that was audible, and she was ashamed of the way she sounded.

They were nowhere close to the group's campsite, and Lightning used that as an advantage, "Louder." She ordered.

Vanille obeyed, screaming louder and louder as she came closer to her peak. A part of her wanted to get this over with, so that she could go back to Fang, but the larger part of her wanted this to last for an eternity. Finally—

"Hn," The woman exhaled; Vanille called her name, long and hard, and she was more than pleased with that. Not even breaking a sweat, she pulled back to eye the redhead from head to toe. Her bright orange locks were stuck to her sweaty face, it looked as sexy as hell. Her half-lidded eyes, half-opened mouth, and bruised lips made it seem as if she were begging for more. Her body that was gleaming with sweat, the marks she left on her neck and collarbone, that heaving chest and those breasts… _god_, Lightning wanted to do her all over again. And then there was her core down there – her sweet liquids… there was still so much more to her, so much more to taste…

Vanille felt dirtied, tainted, violated. She couldn't believe this… her virginity, her first orgasm – everything was taken away by her, but… but it was undeniable – it felt good. So good, she wanted more. "Onee… san…"

Lightning leaned down and caught her lips. The girl immediately slipped her tongue in upon tasting an ironically foreign taste in her mouth. But then she realized that this _foreign_ taste was actually herself. The thought of it made her cheeks burn more than they already were. Still, she couldn't stop. She had no idea that humans could have a taste this addicting... she wanted more. She wanted more of _all of this. _But first…

"Stop…"

"…"

Vanille, afraid that the woman would go away, clenched onto the collar of her vest. "Tell me, what do you want…?"

Lightning breathed out. Her eyes dug deep into Vanille's as she thought of an answer. "You already know." She said quietly.

_Yeah, she did, but… _"Onee-san… I…"

"Don't know what to do, huh?" Lightning finished for her. "It's pointless." She brushed the girl's hands off and stood up. "I already told you; even if you knew what it is that I want, you wouldn't know what to do."

"But…" Vanille said weakly.

"That's enough," The woman ignored her, "What happened just now – that was enough for me."

"No…" She sat up.

Lightning turned around to the girl. "Get up. We need to go back. It's getting dark."

"Onee-san, wait, I—"

"Nobody else will know of this." She interrupted. Picking up her gloves, she started to walk away. "I don't talk to you much anyway, so the others won't wonder if we ignored each other."

"…"

"This never happened." She muttered.

* * *

><p>"Nee-san, where's the other one?" Snow asked as Lightning returned to the group, "… and why do you look like you just had a battle with something?"<p>

The leader ignored his second question. "She's coming back," Then she could see Fang, who was trying to look as if she didn't care, sighing in relief.

_It made her feel sick._

"Vanille-san!" Hope called, "What took you so long?" He ran towards the girl.

"S-sorry…" She smiled, "I dropped a few things… and it was really hard to look for them in the dark." _Tch, what a lie, Vanille. _But somehow, it worked.

Sazh looked up into the sky, "Hm, now that you mention it, it is quite dark already. Might as well stay here for the night? What do you guys think?"

All but Lightning and Vanille nodded their heads.

"Alrighty! Time to find me a nice place to sleep!" Snow said out loud and collapsed to the ground, close to the campfire.

"Quiet down…" The boy had an annoyed tone in his voice.

"G'night, all!" Snow grinned.

"Well then," Sazh also found himself a nice, comfortable spot. "See you in the morning."

Seeing that the men were sleeping far away from the girls, Hope clenched his fingers together. He realized that he should go with the group. "Uh… um… good night, Light-san, Vanille-san, Fang-san." Then he nervously walked to the men, and lied down on the other side of the campfire.

Eventually, all but the sounds of snoring men and the sparking fire filled the area. Lightning crossed her arms and walked off silently; it was something she did every night, so nobody ever questioned about it.

And it was then Vanille had this urge to tell the woman to stay, but the words wouldn't come out of her throat. The leader ended up disappearing off into the woods again, unstopped.

"Vanille," Fang called.

She turned to the huntress.

"Why'd you run off?"

"Eh…?"

"_Why'd you run off?"_

Lightning's voice. What she heard just now was Lightning's voice, not Fang's, even if it was the latter who spoke. As the huntress approached her, a growing fear in her heart spread through her body. Her want to make up with this woman earlier no longer remained – all she had right now was merely fear.

"I'm sorry about before…" The taller woman wrapped her arms around Vanille.

She didn't know what to do. She didn't know why she was feeling so… weird with Fang holding her. It just… didn't feel right.

"… but don't run off again. You'll worry me, you know that?" Fang lifted her chin up, giving her a smile.

_I cheated on you – _was what she wanted to say, but instead, "Sorry… Fang…"

"Vanille…?"

"I… want to be alone for the night."

The girl wasn't being her usual self; perhaps she was still angry at their fight? Whatever the case, Fang knew this wasn't a right time to question her. "Alright, I'll… see you in the morning." She released her and walked off, back to her own little area.

Vanille sighed and sat down. Hiding her face in her arms, she closed her eyes. Often, when she did that, memories of her and Fang would appear, but right now, the only memories flashing through was a certain person _touching_ her, _feeling _her, giving her those incredible sensations. Even earlier, when Fang held her in her arms – usually, it soothed her, it brought her peace. But it was completely different. It wasn't like before anymore; it had changed.

_And so did her heart._

She brought a hand to the wound that Lightning left behind on her collarbone. Pressing on it gently, spasms of pain shot all over her body. She bit onto her lips to suppress a moan. _Yes, her heart had changed_. The pain she felt just now – she liked it. She _loved _it. She needed more… she needed _her._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Other chapters will be up very soon. Please review as always :D<strong>  
><em>


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

In the dead of the night, instead of resting like everyone else, Vanille was running through Gran Pulse's woods, searching desperately for something to kill. She needed to kill the feeling… the feeling that _she _gave her earlier in the evening. She needed to get _her _out of her mind.

Vanille stomped around, making as much noise as possible, hoping that something – anything – would come out and attack her. Her binding rod in hand, she knew she would be prepared for anything; she just needed to kill something…

"_I get the impression that you are good at everything. I want you to teach me."_

Ridiculous. Vanille shook her head to get those disgusting words out of her head. She thought of Fang, she tried to bring up memories of the good times they shared – centuries ago – usually it'd be easy, but right now… nothing came to mind. Everything was vague as hell, and she felt disgusting. Not only was she a liar, but she was also a user… she betrayed her most beloved. Just what the _hell _was she thinking!

The girl could only hope that by searching for something to kill she would be at ease. She felt that if she did it, she could channel her anger away—

_Searching for something to kill? More like searching for her—_

"No…" Vanille whispered to herself. The voice in her head was driving her crazy.

_You want her to do you… again and again…_

"I don't…!"

_Stop lying to yourself._

"I…!" _Of course _she knew that she wasn't out here simply to kill something. _Of course _she knew that she was out here to look for _her_… and _of course _she knew that this was wrong, that this was unforgivable, but there were just so many questions she wanted to ask her. There were so many things she wanted from her…

_All you want are her fingers to be inside you…_

The girl started to run. She thought to herself that maybe by running, she wouldn't be able to hear the stupid voice in her head. She didn't want to hear it because it was _right. _She ran and ran; the trees around her all looked the same, but it didn't matter if she got lost. Hell, she didn't even know where she was right now. Since she was a l'Cie and was going to die sooner or later, she might as well died now. She might as well die trying to find _her—_

"Where are you!" She screamed, reckoning that she should be far enough from the others. "Come out!"

Sounds of small animals running away, bushes and grasses shuffling in the wind were all that she could hear. Vanille couldn't help but to think that the woman was right beside her, watching her every movement… standing by…

_Or maybe you're just paranoid._

"Shut up! Stop it!" She dropped her weapon and crouched down, shaking her head. She took a couple of deep breaths, evening her heartbeat from all the running. "W-what am I doing…?" Just like back then, when she couldn't complete her Focus, she backed out like a coward. Right now, similarly, she couldn't face herself – her own thoughts. "Onee-san…"

"Go back."

The girl instantly popped her head up. In front of her was the woman she had been looking for. The _prey _of the night. Light from the moon made her lower body glow in a melancholic radiance; her upper body was hidden in the shadows. But seeing her there was enough – Vanille could feel some sort of heavy weight lifted off her chest. What was the feeling, exactly? Fear? Relief? _Pain_? It didn't matter – what mattered was that Lightning had indeed been here all along.

"Why are you here?"

Vanille wasn't planning on answering. She stood up, and with confidence, walked over to her leader.

Lightning paid attention to every motion she made. "Go back," She repeated, "Go back to your _lover_."

The way she pronounced the word was full of hatred. It sounded dangerous – unpleasant. Vanille reached up to rest her hand on the woman's shoulder. "No." She said, staring straight into Lightning's azure eyes.

Emotionless, the ex-soldier grasped onto the girl's chin and drew her closer until their faces were inches apart. "Don't be stupid, girl," She grunted, "What you're doing right now is wrong. You know that, and you _don't _want this."

"That's what I'm trying to convince myself," Vanille said weakly, "I know very well that this is wrong, that I am being unfaithful, but I…" Her fingertips grazed the side of Lightning's lips, "… but when I close my eyes, all I see is _you_ doing those things to me…"

She snickered. Lightning pushed the girl forward until she had her pinned between a tree and herself. "And were you enjoying it?" She breathed against the redhead's lips.

"…"

"You slut…"Lightning spat, "If you're so horny, why don't you ask Fang to do it, hm? At least with her, you'd feel right about it. At least with her, you'd have _real _feelings, and you two can fuck until the world ends. At least then, you would know that the last of your time is wasted on someone whom you love, and not someone you don't even know."

_Why bother talking her out of this, Lightning? Just get what you __**want**__. _

She ignored that annoying voice in her head. "And you say that you don't want to hurt anyone…" Lightning continued, "Stop trying to act innocent, you hypocrite."

The girl cringed at her words. Yeah, it was shameful – that much she knew.

"It doesn't feel good to lie. You know that," Lightning said, "So go back."

Even at this time, the woman was giving her a choice. Even though she was already at her _limit_, Lightning was being concerned for her well-being. She didn't want to leave her – she _couldn't. _"Stay here… and I'll hurt Fang," Vanille refused to move. "Go back… and I'll hurt _you_."

Her eyebrows furrowed. _You sicken me. _"Why does it matter? Why does it matter if you hurt me?"

"It didn't before," Vanille whispered, "It really didn't…" With the back of her hand, she stroked the taller woman's soft cheek. "But I already told you… I don't want to hurt anyone – and that includes _you_, Lightning Farron."

"…"

"You're only human. You have feelings too. I only realized that when you kissed me earlier, and when you told me that you'd never get what you want." Her other hand moved up, both hands then gripped onto the taller woman's shoulder with need. "Onee-san, I know what you want. That's why when you gave me the chance to choose… I chose _you_."

She didn't want to hear any more of that. "You…" Lightning grunted, "You were only pitying me…"

"So what if I was? What's wrong with sympathy?" The girl interrupted. "What you want is me, am I right?"

It was getting harder to breathe. Lightning maintained her calm expression as she stared at Vanille. "No," She could only say. _What I want isn't just you. _"I don't need you to pity me."

Right when Vanille believed that Lightning could be good at everything, she found out that this woman was actually very bad at lying. She disregarded her answer and whispered, "You're a miserable person, Lightning."

She twitched. "Who are you to call me miserable? You're only here because you're seeking for sex, for comfort."

"Yes, yes you're right…" The girl whispered, "I'm here for sex, and you're here for your own selfish enjoyment. That's why I think we can benefit each other… as long as we don't talk about this, as long as Fang doesn't know about this…"

"What are you doing?" The ex-soldier questioned as Vanille took her hand and guided it to the area between her legs.

She couldn't believe she was doing something this unsightly. "What you want is right here."

Vanille was so wet – it was beyond Lightning's imagination. But… _no, _this wasn't what she wanted. It wasn't just her body that she wanted… "Vanille…"

The girl moaned to her call.

She shuddered. _Oh, god, this slut – _The woman had to put an end to this – _she wanted to fucking rape her_. They didn't have time to lust over each other… not until her Focus was completed. With force, she pulled away from the girl's grip. "I'm going to tell you one more time: go back," And then she took the opportunity to grab onto Vanille's exposed waist, "Go back before _I _hurt _you._"

As threatening as Lightning usually was, this wasn't enough to scare her – at least, not anymore. "I'm not going to leave. Why don't you try me?"

Lightning smirked. Much like earlier in the evening when they first did it, she lifted her up by the thighs, straddling Vanille's long, slender legs around her waist and used the tree she was leaning against for support. "You asked for this. I'm going to do you so hard until you pass out."

Yes, she would like that. Vanille bucked her hips at Lightning with need, almost as if she were challenging her words. "Lightning…"

"Don't call me that," The woman grunted immediately. She didn't want her to moan _that _name. She buried her face in the crook of the girl's neck, "Please, don't call me that…" Murmuring, "I don't want you to call me that…" Her lips revisited the marks she left earlier on her, but this time, she sucked harder.

"Onee-san!"

"That's it…" Her hands released the girl's waist and travelled upwards. Lightning grabbed onto her subtle breasts through the pink fabric, kneading at her as Vanille's breaths grew heavier and heavier beside her ear. The girl's nipples were growing hard, poking out of that thin tank top for attention. She wasn't even going to bother with stripping her; she was going to do her as she was, and she didn't give a shit about the consequences.

She knew what Lightning was thinking, and Vanille obviously didn't want that. "Wait, no…"

The woman wasn't going to stop, she already made that clear. Her teeth have long replaced her hands, and she was already biting onto a hardened bud, toying with the girl's reactions.

"N-no…! No… onee-san…!" Even though she was crying negative remarks, her back was arched; she was leaning desperately into Lightning for more of her touch, her _violation_. Vanille's hands dove into the woman's soft pink hair, futilely trying to pull her up so that she could violate something else – her lips. "Please… please kiss me…" She begged.

She grunted with annoyance. Lightning complied; pulling away from her breasts, she only came back in harshly at the girl's sensitive lips. The ex-soldier pushed herself into Vanille. With no hesitation, their tongues began to swirl melodically in each other's mouths, eager to taste and explore each and every corner. Lightning still had plenty of strength within, but she knew that the girl's legs didn't. They were slowly losing their grip, and she couldn't have her out of breath already, when she hadn't even _started _yet. Slowly, she released her, and when she landed, Lightning pulled away from the kiss to throw the girl forcefully down onto the soft grass.

Vanille landed with a squeak. Her chest heaved up and down heavily as she was nearly out of breath; Vanille turned to lie on her back and faced upwards to watch the woman's next move. To her relief, she wasn't running away or anything, she was only taking off her gloves. When Lightning came back in to resume the kiss, she wrapped her arms around her neck, not letting the woman give her any more unpleasant surprises.

The knee between Vanille's legs nudged at her growing warmth, and as she did that, she felt the latter clawing at the back of her head, and it hurt. "Ugh—" Taking hold of her skinny wrists, Lightning pinned them above Vanille's head with one hand. "Don't touch me unless I tell you to," She growled. Enough teasing, she decided, her purpose right now was to get her to pass out – her mind was set. Her other hand moved down, underneath Vanille's skirt, and without warning, she pushed the wet panties aside, and forced her middle finger into the girl's slit, fast and hard.

"Aah—!" At first, all she could feel was pain; her hands above her head fought hard to free themselves, but the ex-soldier's grip was concrete. Her body wriggled fiercely, hoping by doing that she would be able to escape, but when Lightning began to build a steady pace, the sensation of pain was replaced with one that felt… better. There was no need to fight or move so violently, because gradually, she herself started to move to the pace. Pleasure and only pleasure – yeah, that was the feeling right now. Vanille had sought for this feeling – this feeling… that only could be given to her by this sadistic woman. "Fas—faster…!"

"Beg for it," Lightning's voice became darker, "If you want it from me."

Her hips moved as fast as they could, but it wasn't enough – she had to do it, as much as it disgusted herself. In the dark, her green orbs searched for her leader's blue ones. Vaguely, she could see those glowing eyes planted somewhere on her lower body – she wasn't even paying attention; Lightning just wanted this for her own entertainment, _that lustful bitch._ But who was she to call her that? As if she wasn't here for sex. Her naïve thought of being 'friends with benefits' with this woman – _friends?_ – no, they weren't even friends. In fact, right now, Vanille believed that she despised her. This strong feeling in her gut that she could not stomach – it had to be hatred, it _had to be. _

"Come on…" The strawberry-blonde groaned, "What are you waiting for? Beg for it." She slowed down and torturously rubbed the girl's swollen clit with her thumb.

Vanille bit onto her lower lip. "Faster… please do it faster…!"

She smirked. "Do what faster?" Lightning's finger was pulled out of her core and was now tracing her folds teasingly.

Her nails dug into her own palm as she clenched her fists with anger. She was delirious. "I… I hate you…" Vanille glared at the ex-soldier.

Lightning arched a brow. "But you want me," Her hold on the girl's wrists tightened, making the latter groan with discomfort, "And there's nothing you can do about it to stop that need." She pulled her thumb away as well. Bringing her soaking fingers up to her mouth, Lightning cleaned herself up with her tongue. "So either you obey me, or let me do it my way."

Vanille clenched her teeth. Let this woman torture her, or get this over with? Her morals told her that the second choice was more forgivable. "I want you," She whispered.

"Oh?"

She looked away. "Please, I want you to do me faster."

The woman paused, and then she broke into a sinister chuckle. Shaking her head, she leaned down until their faces were close enough for their breaths to brush against each other. "You should be ashamed, Vanille."

"…"

"If Fang knew of this, if she heard what you just told me, she would be. No doubt." Lightning plunged one finger into the girl – Vanille parted her lips to gasp. "And then she will hate you… so much…" She inserted a second finger – the girl's eyes shut tightly in pleasure, distress – whatever, it didn't matter. "You filthy girl…" A _third _finger—

"Stop… stop… stop…!" She cried with each thrust.

"You know I'm not going to…" As she had requested, Lightning did her fast _and _hard – the latter being a little something that was extra.

But Vanille wasn't telling her to stop fucking her – _no, not when she was enjoying it so much_. She was telling Lightning to stop reminding her of reality. Of course she knew Fang would hate her for this. Hell, she even hated herself right now. But she loved this… the way her leader's fingers stretched her insides, the fact that there was so much inside, and that Lightning was hitting the perfect spot each time her fingers thrust into her… _god_, Vanille loved all of this.

She was close, and Lightning didn't even think of slowing down. Thrusting even faster by now, all that she could hear were the girl's screams and moans. It pleased her to hear not just her name from the redhead's mouth, but also words that were far too dirty and impure to be heard from such a sweet and innocent little girl. With force, she added even her pinky finger into Vanille's core, completely pushing her off the edge, and finally, she came – long and hard.

A blinding white flash of light filled her vision. That, and her pelvic muscles tensed like that they never had before. This was it – the orgasm she had earlier in the evening was nothing compared to this. Blood oozed out from the half-moon shaped scars in her palms; she must've been clenching her fists too hard. Whether it was from pleasure or pain, or even anger, Vanille could care less. Everything was so surreal, she subconsciously questioned if this was a dream. The remnants of her moaning voices echoed in her ears even though the air was dead silent. She was ashamed of it, no doubt, but there wasn't much she could do. She closed her eyes to let the overwhelming moment pass by.

Lightning released her wrists. While cleaning her wet fingers up with her tongue once more, her free hand wandered down to fix the girl's hair. She was indeed attractive, there was no deny, and even something as intense as sex could do little to mar her beauty. Lightning wiped away the beads of sweat on Vanille's face, and then stopped to cup her cheek.

_Odd._ What was with the sudden gentleness? Vanille, more tired than she ever was in her life, opened her eyes with the little strength she had left. To her surprise, it was the same smile she saw earlier – the same, kind, genuine smile that she wanted to see. "Onee… san…" She called weakly.

The woman couldn't help it. This disgusting, swaying, _warm _feeling. What – _of course she knew what –_ was it? Why was her heart pounding so hard against her chest? What was this _need _to hold her? Why was Vanille looking at her with such soft eyes? Lightning didn't know, but she _honestly _couldn't help it anymore. She didn't care what would happen if she did this – she just had to. Smoothly, Lightning moved in to kiss Vanille like never before. Pecking her lightly, she tried to make it more lasting than anything; she put all the affection she had for the girl into it, and before Vanille could kiss back, she drew away.

But the girl was already caught in confusion. Her eyes widened. That was…

"This is the last time." The ex-soldier said, almost melancholically, "We can't do this anymore."

Vanille forced her aching muscles to oblige; she sat up.

"Make up with Fang, go back to her…"

"…"

"… and don't ever come looking for me again at night. Don't even talk to me, otherwise… I… I don't know what I would do to you…"

A hint of softness – something was wrong with her leader. Vanille held onto the end of Lightning's vest, preventing her from standing up if she was going to. "You're…"

"Vanille, don't."

"It's not just _me_ that you want…"

"_Had you met me first…"_

Lightning closed her eyes.

"You're… you're in love with me…" Vanille said quietly.

She hissed angrily and shoved the girl's hand off herself. Standing up, she turned her back against her. "It's my problem, not yours. Spare your concern for something else." Lightning began to walk off. "Get some rest."

"W-wait…" She tried to stand up, but proved to be too weak. Her vision was getting increasingly drowsy as seconds went by, and she could, for sure, collapse right now if she didn't have to deal with this. "Onee-san…" Looking up, the woman had already disappeared.

"… _would you have fallen for me?"_

* * *

><p>"Vanille,"<p>

She kept her eyes closed.

"Hey, Vanille,"

"Mmm…" She moaned in her sleep. Something was nudging against her shoulder, trying to wake her up.

"Get up, everyone's looking for you!"

"H-huh?" Opening her tired eyes, the morning sun shone straight into them, and she shut them immediately. "W-what…?"

"We were set to go… only when we found out that you were missing."

Vanille finally opened her eyes.

_Oh, it's not Lightning._

"What were you doing here, anyway? And why are your clothes all messed up…?"

The girl blinked and looked down at herself. Yeah, she was a mess, all thanks to _her_. "I… fell…"

Fang sighed. "Never mind, then. Come on, how long are you going to sit here for? Light is going to get pissed off," She stood up and offered her a hand, "Stand up, let's go back."

Good thing the huntress wasn't _as _clever. The girl hesitated for a moment and took the woman's hand. When she stood up, her weary legs gave in and she fell over, into Fang's bosom.

"Now, what have you been smoking?" She laughed, "Can't even stand up?"

Vanille blushed. She looked away from the taller woman's forest green eyes.

Fang smirked, "You silly girl,"

The girl twitched.

"_You filthy girl…"_ Lightning's voice echoed in her head. She hated those humiliating words that came from the strawberry-blonde – the names that she called her – it made her feel disgusting. But Lightning… Lightning wasn't having sex with her for her own enjoyment. All along, the woman was hiding her true feelings with a sadistic façade – Lightning, that _miserable _woman, she was—

Her thoughts were interrupted by Fang's lips that came in contact with her own.

Vanille widened her eyes.

_It wasn't Lightning's lips._

The huntress pulled away slowly and smiled at the girl.

_It wasn't Lightning's smile._

She brought a finger to trace Vanille's lips. "Let's go back," Fang took the girl's hand before she could say anything.

_It wasn't Lightning's voice._

Vanille looked at their joined hands, and then at the back of the huntress' head.

_It wasn't Lightning._

That strong feeling from earlier – the one in which she believed to be hatred for Lightning – it wasn't hatred. It was some sort of emptiness. There was some sort of _void _in her feelings – like something was missing. She didn't know what it was, but it was definitely strong – perhaps even stronger than the feelings she had towards Fang.

* * *

><p>For the entire trip that day, Vanille couldn't bear to look at Fang straight in the eyes. She had long let go of her hand without having the woman question her about her strange behaviour, but she couldn't pull herself together. She remained quiet, which was extremely odd because she was usually the loudmouth of the group – she would be the only one who talked and the only one who kept everyone from being silent and mellow.<p>

"Vanille-san," Hope, who was walking beside the girl, finally couldn't withstand the weird silence from her, "Are you okay?"

She blinked and looked down at the boy. It didn't occur to her that she was also trailing further and further away from the group – her pace was slowing down. Vanille forced a smile, "I'm fine, thanks."

He was unconvinced, however, "Really? But your face has been red for a while now…"

"I'm fine, really—"

"Vanille," The raven-haired woman walked towards her and leaned in.

Their foreheads touching, the girl could feel herself getting scared.

"Hmm, it's not a fever…" Fang pulled back and placed a palm on her cheek, "… then why are you so red?"

"What's going on?" The two men walked back to the three who have stopped, gathering together to see what was so interesting. "Did something happen?"

"Oh, don't be so nosy, Snow." Fang said.

"I'm not! I just want to know what's happening!"

Lightning, far away from the group, observed them with frustration. She crossed her arms and waited for the feeling to subside, but it only grew more intense. No, it wasn't because they were slowing her down, but rather, it was because they were all gathering… gathering around _her_. This feeling – this _jealousy _wouldn't go away as she had hoped; it was getting harder to breathe as she watched Fang holding Vanille close, feeling her cheeks…

_Vanille is mine._

Yes, and nobody else could have her. Oerba Dia Vanille was _her _property. Lightning thought that she could throw away the feelings she had for her, but no, she wasn't going to allow anyone else to touch her. This was the one time she would not tolerate loss, because never in her life could she keep the things she loved. Her parents, Serah, her freedom – all were robbed from her life because she was not in control of anything. She was trapped in a cage, _being _controlled by fate.

_But this is different._

She was going to get Vanille, hide her, invade her, VIOLATE HER. Lightning stormed towards the group. She was going to grab the girl's arm and take her away – it didn't matter where – she was going to take her away from the others. She walked faster and faster, determined to—

_Splat_

_Blood_

_Pain_

The group turned around.

Vanille's face twisted in horror. "Onee… san…"

A falling Lightning.

A bleeding Lightning.

A _dying _Lightning.

She fell to the ground. The world had gone dark, everything was slowed down. Lightning looked down at herself; something huge just pierced directly through her stomach, and, god damn it, it hurt. With all her strength, she lifted her head up to see her friends – her friends who were running, panicking, their facial expressions all the same. They were running towards her, but she didn't want to see them. She waited as they spread out, and then finally, she could see _her_. She could see Vanille.

_Vanille…_

It didn't matter what stabbed her from behind – she didn't need to know; she was more worried about the girl.

"NEE-SAN!" Snow yelled.

Hope knelt down by her side and immediately started to heal. The others stood behind her to fight… fight whatever just attacked her. Still, Lightning was looking at Vanille, and _only _Vanille.

"_Vanille…"_

"Light-san, hang in there!" Hope called as he performed Cure. "W-what is this wound…?" His nervousness was preventing him from concentrating.

She didn't mind the pain.

"_Vanille…"_

She watched as Vanille sprinted towards her.

"Don't die on us, nee-chan!" Sazh's voice was barely audible as he fired his dual pistols at the enemy.

She watched as Vanille knelt down and put her hands on her bloody wound, and like Hope, she casted Cure.

"Nee-san, Serah's waiting for us, don't give up!" Snow yelled.

She watched as tears poured from Vanille's green eyes. Lightning didn't like it. She wanted to wipe them away and see the usual, cheery girl that she fell for… "Vanille…"

"Light-san! Light-san! Damn it, keep it together!" Hope cried, "Keep breathing!" He focused all of his power on her wound, but it didn't seem to have any effect at all – it was still bleeding unstoppably.

"Onee-san…" Vanille picked Lightning up and held her in her arms with the latter's back against herself. "Keep your eyes opened…" She whispered in her ear, "Please don't close them." Her other hand moved to heal her as well.

She was happy to hear it from her. But, "Why… do you care…?" She breathed weakly. Even at this time, she couldn't shake off her usual cold and bitter self.

Vanille turned so that her lips touched the woman's ear. "You can't leave now…" She whispered, "Not now…" The Cure she used glowed brighter; Vanille was casting it directly into the woman's body.

"Vanille-san…" The boy was surprised. His healing abilities were very much even with the girl's, but right now, Vanille was doing something totally different – it was Cure on a whole new level.

But she had lost too much blood. It was hurting so much, Lightning could no longer feel anything. Her body temperature was dropping rapidly, and her eyelids felt like heavy dumbbells. The woman was about to give up – slowly, she closed her eyes.

"Look at me," Vanille breathed as she noticed the light in her eyes fading, "Please don't close them."

His tears streamed down his cheeks. "Vanille-san…" Hope panted; he also noticed that life was fading away from his leader, "… Light-san, she's—"

"LOOK AT ME!"

Her scream caused Hope to back off a little. Even Snow, Fang, and Sazh who had their hands full turned around briefly upon hearing Vanille's voice.

"You can't go yet…" The girl said angrily as she continued to heal the lifeless body, "You still need to tell me properly…"

Fang turned her head around.

"I need to hear it from you…" Vanille shut her eyes tightly as she concentrated. The tears were dripping onto the woman's cheeks.

"Vanille-san—" Hope wanted to tell her that it was useless.

"You still need to tell me why," She held Lightning closer.

"Vanille-san, the others—!"

The girl looked up. One by one, her team mates were felled by the monster – it was Spartacus. Finally, having downed its preys, the monster shifted its attention to the boy and her.

"Hope, Vanille… run…" She could hear Sazh telling them weakly.

_To leave onee-san and run?_

"Vanille… go…!" It was Fang's voice.

"Vanille-san, stand up!" Hope called. He drew out his boomerang and stood in front of the girl and Lightning's body, "We need to fight this thing! We can deal with Light-san after this!"

_I need her now._

"Help me use Raise!" She didn't listen to Hope at all – she wasn't going to leave this woman, not now. "Help me!"

"You know it's not going to work! Light-san, she's already—"

The fiend gave a screeching roar, numbing Vanille and Hope's five senses momentarily and making them feel weak all over.

"I-it's coming…!" The boy said weakly as he covered his ears.

The monster charged towards the two.

"Vanille-san, we have to run—!"

It drew its blade behind itself, ready to slash with full force.

"Vanille, RUN!" Fang yelled.

It stopped right in front of them.

"Onee-san!" The girl shut her eyes and cried out loud.

It swung the humungous blade downwards—

The body in her arms moved away with lightning-speed—

_Clung_

"…"

A loud collision of metal was heard. Vanille opened her eyes, and in front of Hope's figure, she could see a taller one. She could see Lightning standing, right there, _alive, _and the woman had successfully stopped Spartacus' blade with her own.

Hope was the first to react, "Light-san!" He called with relief.

Vanille was awestruck. "H-how…?" Right away, she could hear the woman smirk.

"Do you only heal seriously when you are close to death?"

Lightning was alive, but the tears in her eyes won't stop flowing out of her. "I was… I was healing you the way I usually healed—"

"Now's not the time," She pushed the fiend back. "Good thing everyone weakened it,"

"Light-san, what are you going to do?"

Without turning to the boy, she answered, "I'll finish this. Take care of the others," and she ran towards the monster.

Vanille felt a shiver run up her spine. Oh, Lightning. She was always such an indirect an unintentional show-off. Sometimes, it could be frustrating, but sometimes it just made her look so damn awesome – especially when she was covered in blood, and when her elegant form moved so gracefully as she fought. It was difficult to not get turned on by such a wondrous sight. Vanille watched as her leader easily incapacitated the fiend, crippling it of its legs and arm, leaving it in nothing but the body itself. Then there were also times when the woman could be charmingly violent. The purple blood from Spartacus' limbs was splattered all over Lightning, getting her all filthy and disgusting, but the girl liked it. Seeing the strawberry-blonde tainted in that manner was getting her so _hot_.

… Then, it hit her.

She was sweating with anticipation, because she realized that at this moment, what she wanted most was for the woman to caress her, to touch her, to drown her in the same purple blood that was stained all over her, and as she did that, she wanted Lightning to whisper dirty words in her ear—

"Unngh…" With Lightning's blood still on her hands, she crossed her arms and moaned.

Hope, who stood close by after healing the others, turned to the girl and lifted a brow, "A-are you okay?" He asked, as that sounded extremely sexual.

She looked up. Lightning was delivering one final blow to the monster, stabbing it directly in the chest, and it turned into black dust instantly. Then, Vanille smiled. "Ne, Hope,"

"Yeah…?"

Lightning swung her gunblade a couple of times in her hand to get rid of the residue of the purple blood before placing it back into its black holder. The ex-soldier turned around, and walked back to the group casually.

Vanille could feel Lightning's azure eyes piercing through her.

"Vanille-san…?" Hope was still waiting for her to say something.

She turned to the boy, revealing her flushed face, "I think I do have a fever after all."

* * *

><p><em><strong>I realized that I made Light really mean :**_

_**OH WELL. **_

_**Thanks for the reviews so far! Let's keep them comingggg!  
>BTW, if you're wondering whether I'm going to post the old version or not… well, I'm not. I have a habit of editing on the spot, so everything you see here is basically the old version plus some tweaks here and there. Sorry! Hope you guys won't mindgive up on me because of that! D:**_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

No doubts. No hesitation. No restraint.

Nothing.

_No love._

Only lust.

Yes, that was it. Only lust.

She came after Lightning only because of lust. She got wet, just by looking at her – all because of lust. Her heart was pounding hard; it was fighting to tear out of her chest, she couldn't help it, and it was all because of lust. The way their bodies moved against each other, the way she was arching into her touch, the way she was moaning her name… it was all just _lust. _

Vanille thrust her hips at Lightning's fingers eagerly, aiding the woman with both force and speed, subsequently making the water at their chests splash wildly but, ironically, with rhythm, in sync with their filthy movements.

_It was all so pathetic._

… No, it wasn't her failure in detecting the monster; it was the fact that she _lured _this pure, innocent, kind, and miserable girl into her grasp, into her _dirty _realm of lust. For what purpose?

"Onee-san…!"

Was there a reason to ask, or to even wonder? Lightning knew very well what the answer was. Right now, she was ravaging the girl in some god-forsaken pond, ignoring fate, hiding from reality, being immoral… she was able to put her mind off Serah for a bit, she didn't have a single care in the world… all because… because she was—

"Aahhn…!"

An accented cry – Vanille was close.

But Lightning didn't want this to end, she wanted more. She held her up higher, groaning quietly in her ear, "Don't come yet."

Vanille's fingernails dug into her back and clawed at her flesh. Why, of course she didn't want to come yet. She wasn't the only one who wanted this to last. If this ended, then they would have to go back to reality. She would have to _act _like nothing had ever happened again. No more comfort, no more freedom – _even if it only lasts for so much_. She, like the ex-soldier, wanted this more than anything right now. Vanille opened her eyes to find Lightning staring deeply into hers with need, and it made her realize; the utter sight of her pink-haired leader was able to melt her down to her last internal organ. She rocked her hips faster, eager to get more of Lightning, eager to have Lightning get more of _herself._

And the woman gladly obliged to Vanille's desperate movements; twirling her fingers – crisscrossing, scissoring, circling… she made countless motions inside the girl, each creative action bringing forth a different yet extremely sexy reaction from her. Each cry, each call, each scream from Vanille confirmed that she was satisfying her, if not more than what the girl desired. Her emerald orbs called to her in silence, begging – _no – _they were trying to tell her something. They had this sort of… sad, _pitiful _look…

A look she despised so much. A look she could not stand. "Stop looking at me like that." Lightning intended to sound angry; she wanted to say it in a strict voice, but instead, she said it softly, _pathetically_, almost in a whisper.

But she couldn't help it, this _pitiful woman. _How could she not look at her like that? When Vanille heard her leader—no, when she heard this _woman's _gentle voice, tears began to build up in her eyes. It was her climax – yes, that had to be it. What other reason could there be? She couldn't possibly be – _saddened, scared, sympathetic… in love _– confused over her feelings towards this selfish woman, could she…? If anything, she should be feeling disgusted. She was feeling this way just because… just because of the rush of emotions that ran through her veins as Lightning violated her. Vanille bucked her hips one last time in a quick and smooth motion, finally bringing forth her violent orgasm.

The ex-soldier growled when Vanille's muscles gripped her fingers even tighter, which was then followed by a low, heavy moan. Lightning felt the young Oerban rest her head on her shoulder snugly, and usually, Vanille would be out of strength, giving her the chance to slip away, unbothered. But right now, she was caught in a death grip by the girl's arms.

She couldn't focus, think, nor could she breathe. She couldn't do anything normal, but her instincts told her that she couldn't let go. Vanille knew that she, at this moment, could neglect _anything _and _everything _other than that.

"I…" Barely having caught her breath, Vanille continued, "… I hate you."

For some reason, it felt good to hear that. The pink-haired leader sighed soundlessly. "Yet, here you are." She whispered. Then, she noticed that her own arms were still wrapped around the redhead's waist. _Why didn't she let go? _She could definitely slip away if she wanted to.

The water surrounding them did little to cool down her temperature – right now, she felt like she was burning up. Vanille rode out the aftershocks, gently rocking her hips against the woman. But whether or not it was the heat that made her speak, however, Vanille hadn't a clue. All she knew was that she needed to settle this. "Why am I like this…?" Her voice muffled into Lightning's wet, naked skin.

Each time she spoke, each time that _guilty _voice was heard, the weight in her chest got lifted off by a bit.

Vanille moved back to look into her azure orbs. "Why are _you _like this…?"

Lightning averted her gaze, down to the water that was at their chest. The girl was referring to her actions – her _gentleness. _Such confusion led her to pick the choice of staying silent; there was no point in answering her, it wouldn't change a thing. Instead, she focused on her brand on her chest, her eyes following the blackened arrows that had newly developed. The mere sight of the depressing sign of reality made her lose her grip. She released the redhead and drew her arms back – but to her surprise, Vanille didn't do the same.

Instead, she held her even tighter, her grip nearly suffocating. Strength returning, Vanille forcefully grabbed her leader's hands and held them so that they would wrap around her own waist. "You're so unfair…"

_Unfair? I'm way more than 'unfair', Vanille. _

"Why…?" The girl spoke.

There was no need to answer, nor was there a need to even respond.

Vanille raised her voice. "Lightning Farron, why are you like this!" She said with impatience. "Answer me!"

She blinked before looking back into her enraged eyes. "What do you want me to say?" Lightning questioned coldly.

The girl's arms moved up to circle around Lightning's neck. "Just tell me… please… why are you doing this to me? Why do you have to torment _me_? Why can't you just leave me alone…?"

She smirked, _unwillingly. _"Are you pushing responsibilities? Are you saying that I should be blamed for getting you horny and whatnot? That I should be the one to be blamed for making _you _come to _me_?"

Always with the cockiness. Vanille drew her arms back, and her nails began to claw roughly at Lightning's shoulders, scraping her white skin. "Yes…" She whimpered. "… I'm pushing responsibilities."

Lightning snickered. "You selfish—"

"I'm blaming you for getting me _like this_, getting me confused, luring me like I'm your prey, using me, making me cheat on Fang…!" Vanille cried. The tears in her eyes finally rolled down her cheeks; she could only hope that they wouldn't be visible given that her face was wet. "I'm blaming you… for… for getting me so… s-so…"

"_Why… do you care…?" _The voice of the dying Lightning from earlier echoed in her head.

Vanille shut her eyes, focusing her mind on something else to avoid the horrible flashback of that monster piercing Lightning's body with its giant blade— "I'm blaming you for making me worry…!" She sobbed, her voice shaken, "… I don't want you to die…!"

And Lightning couldn't take it anymore. With force, she moved in to capture her lips; her roughness surprising the latter. But the strawberry-blonde could care less of her reaction; she closed her eyes to fully enjoy, to fully cherish the moment. Slowly, _very _slowly, all the strength was transformed into gentleness. It was soft, easing, and it was like…

_Why are you kissing me?_

Like that kiss she gave her before she left her in the wild that night – this was exactly the same. It wasn't rough, forced, nor was it raw lust… it had _something _in it. Vanille, too, closed her eyes. She sighed into Lightning's lips and her arms that were draped over the woman's neck moved to hold her head closer so that she could deepen the kiss.

Lightning rewrapped her arms around the girl's waist, a hand moved down naturally to grope her, and Vanille immediately moaned into her mouth. The ex-soldier took the chance to slip her tongue into her, earning herself another erotic sound from Vanille. She loved this; when she invaded this girl, she felt so in power. This type of power was far… far _grander_ compared to the victory she gained from fighting the monsters they have encountered thus far; it was something that exceeded that of pride or accomplishment.

Vanille threw her head back and arched her body when Lightning moved down to kiss her neck, following her muscles to her collarbone.

"Please…" Vanille breathed sharply as her fingernails raked through Lightning's soaked pink hair. "Onee- san…!"

Lightning moved lower, taking in her cries as encouragement. By now, the bottom half of her face was below the water, her teeth fondling with the girl's nipple, leaving only her eyes above so that she could watch Vanille's sexy reactions. Occasionally, she would resurface to catch her breath, but the girl's hardened bud was never spared.

Her body was getting sensitive again. Everywhere Lightning touched, Vanille could feel an odd stimulation shooting up to her brain, urging her to thrust her hips at the woman, to moan loudly so that she could ease the feeling, to hold her, and… and to ask her…

"Do you love me…?" Vanille suddenly breathed.

She froze. That heavy feeling in her chest returned by tenfold. Lightning moved to stare at Vanille, her eyebrows narrowed inward.

A hand made its way down to cup the woman's moist cheek as her eyes stared deeply into Lightning's. She leaned in to kiss her briefly. "The feelings I have for you…" Vanille buried her face on the woman's shoulder, embracing her fully, "… it isn't just lust."

Lightning breathed out.

"I don't want our relationship to be like this."

_No. No, no, no, no, no. She's pitying you, she's pitying you, she's pitying you—_

"I want us to be more—"

_You want her to scream, not to show you sympathy. Stop her, stop her, STOP HER._

"Don't." The strawberry-blonde interrupted.

Vanille pulled back hesitantly. The simple word had thrown her off the edge.

_You don't need compassion from others. It's a hindrance; it's a weakness. _

Lightning pushed the girl away gently. "You've mistaken," She said with a straight face. "I don't want to hear any of your bullshit."

"…"

She walked past Vanille without giving her the slightest hint of eye contact, whispering, "You're simply here for me to fuck; nothing else. That's how I see it." And she headed towards land.

_Yes… throw her away. You can easily find someone else to entertain you—_

Vanille snapped her eyes shut and clenched her fists. Just before the woman got too far, she turned around to grab her wrist under the clear, nightly water, stopping her.

Lightning knew she shouldn't, as she would definitely regret it, but she looked back; she looked back and saw a shaking figure of a l'Cie. Vanille was crying, but she was trying so hard to hold it in.

When she could contain her breathing once more, Vanille started weakly, "Then do it…"

_What?_

She opened her puffy eyes to stare at the sadistic woman. "Do it until you're satisfied…"

Lightning couldn't believe her ears. "What are you—"

"Just don't go…!" Vanille cried. "I'm in love with you, don't you understand!" She gripped onto Lightning's wrist; by now, she was certain that it was bruised up. "I don't care what you see me as, I just want you to stay—"

_Fear._

The ex-soldier couldn't feel herself. What was this… cold, empty feeling inside? Why was she like this all of a sudden…? She forcefully flung her arm away from Vanille and took a few steps back abruptly, creating violent ripples in the water around them. Yes, she, Lightning Farron, backed away.

_Like a coward. _

Vanille had never seen Lightning like this before. The leader was… she looked traumatized. She was frightened, _stunned, _unable to move. Taking her chances, she moved forward. "Onee-san…" Vanille called quietly, reaching for her once more, "Please, don't go…"

"…"

"… don't go…"

It was getting harder to breathe.

What was there to hide? _Why _was there a need to hide? This sadistic woman made it clear – _obvious_, _even_ – that she had some sort of feelings for her the last time they did this. Yet, she was denying it with so much effort right now. "Stop lying to yourself…"

Finally, "Shut your mouth, girl." Lightning spat. Her steps continued to move back, creating more distance between herself and Vanille. "Get away from me."

But Vanille didn't listen. Her hands moved on forward, getting closer and closer to her—

"I said get away!" She yelled. What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she say it in a more calm and collected way like she always did? Why was she shaking? Why was she… scared…?

"Onee-san…"

"Shut up! I said shut up!" Lightning barked, freezing the younger girl immediately. "I don't…!" She muttered, her words unclear, "… I don't need this." She watched as disappointment filled Vanille's face. "You're… nobody to me."

For some strange reason, it didn't hurt when she said that. Perhaps, Vanille decided, that she already half-expected her to say something like that. "Nobody…" She sighed, repeating after the woman.

"Yes, nobody." Lightning said. She drew her arm back to herself. This time, the girl willingly let go, and, Lightning had to admit, she didn't like the sudden loss of contact.

The two stood still for what seemed to be an eternity, staring at everything but each other. In the end, it was Vanille who moved first, with the intention of returning back to the group.

"Why are you like this?"

"…"

"If I die… if I don't make it, would it matter to you?"

She looked away, as if her question was never heard.

"Fine," The girl said quietly. "If that really is what I am to you, then please," She paused hesitantly, sadly, "… please don't talk to me anymore. Don't even look at me. If you do, I-I don't know what will happen. I might not be able to control myself."

Lightning watched Vanille turn back to shore, get dressed, and leave. She wasn't surprised that the girl didn't persist any longer – no; she was more surprised that she was, yet again, acting like a coward – unable to move, to stop her on her own… unable to stop another person from leaving her.

* * *

><p>"Nothing, I tell you, NOTHING hurts more than having your Eidolon coming out of your brand!"<p>

Vanille could hear Snow talking as she approached camp. She put on the best smile she possibly could, despite how much she wanted to cry. She couldn't let Fang see through her – _not after what she had done with that sadistic woman._

"Oh, kid, you're back!" Sazh greeted with a wave.

Snow grinned. "Perfect! You can come and listen to my little observation."

She didn't want to talk to Fang, nor did she want to be close to her. Vanille felt that if she got anywhere around the older Oerban, a familiar feel of guilt would resurface, and she couldn't bear to carry on anymore after all that had happened. So, she sat down beside Hope, who gladly scooted over a little to make room for her. "Observation?" Vanille said in her usual tone. "What observation?"

"Snow, here, wanted to compare _pain_. He says that nothing hurts more than having your Eidolon summoned for the first time," Hope explained as he rolled his eyes. "Dumb, isn't it?"

Vanille smiled at the boy. She was quite surprised by the fact that she was still able to act normal. "Well, I can't really give any opinions since I haven't met mine yet…"

"It's a good thing you haven't yet, kid," Sazh said, "It's not as cool as it looks."

Hope nodded. "Having met your Eidolon only means you're _that _much closer to turning into a…" He covered his mouth and then looked at everyone awkwardly. "S-sorry…" Apologizing right away, he had obviously brought up an uncomfortable subject. "I didn't mean to, I—"

Vanille wrapped an arm over his shoulder and shook him gently. "Hey, it's okay!"

Fang snickered. "At least you got the pain over with. You can laugh at Vanille when she has to face hers."

The girl looked up at the huntress, who winked at her in return. If this was _before_, Vanille knew that she would most definitely have blushed to that. But no, not today. Perhaps not even _anymore _in this lifetime.

"You would just help her take care of it by the time we arrive, Fang." Snow remarked, "Like _we _were ever needed."

She smirked. "You make it sound like we're building sand castles or something."

Everyone broke into a small chuckle, and Vanille could only laugh along, though her mind was obviously wandering elsewhere.

"Ne, Vanille-san, where's Light-san?" Hope finally asked the inevitable question.

She stiffened a bit before answering. "She… should be coming back soon."

"How was her wound?" Snow joined in.

"I… s-she's fine." Vanille answered in an unnaturally quiet voice.

And only Hope took notice of it. He dropped his laughter upon seeing that not-so-cheery expression, and started softly, "Vanille-san, are you okay? You seem… I don't know, tired?"

"E-eh?" She blinked and turned to the boy. _Oh, he was talking to her_. The redhead quickly forced a smile, hiding any sort of unnaturalness within. "I'm fine," She said, "Just… yeah, I guess I am kind of tired."

"Hmm, yeah. Healing Light-san completely with that fatal wound… I can't imagine how much energy you've used."

Vanille swallowed. Erotic images of them doing unsightly things in that pond flashed through her mind. _Yes, Hope, you have no idea._ The thought of those fingers diving into her— _no. No, Vanille, stop it. Stop thinking about it. Stop thinking about her—_

"I think you should probably sleep early tonight or something, Vanille-san…" Hope suddenly said.

The girl looked at him, confused.

"I mean, you look like you're out of this world. I usually feel like that too, when I use too much power."

"Yeah, kid. Go sleep. It's not like we're going to travel anywhere at this time. Plus, our leader's missing." Sazh encouraged, his expression as kind as usual.

_Tch. Leader? Missing? She was no leader to her; nor was she missing. That bitch was hiding._ "O-okay, then…" She spoke softly. "Sorry…" _That bitch was hiding from her._

"What are you apologizing for?" Snow laughed, "Go ahead and rest!"

"I… yeah…" Vanille nodded, too tired to say anything more. She walked a few feet away from the group, far enough so that she wouldn't hear their voices, and close enough so that they wouldn't have to worry. But it didn't make a difference – it wasn't like she needed company, anyway. Right now, what she needed most was some alone time, to think about what she had done… to get her mind straight again.

"_You're nobody to me."_

But when she closed her eyes, when she was _this _close to seeing her dreams, all that filled her were those words. That, and the woman's face.

_Perfect bone structure, well-defined jawline, smooth, white skin, deep, piercing, azure eyes, and that soft, silky pink hair. _

God, did she want to see her – did she want to get _touched _by her again. Vanille shivered at the thought; realizing how disgusting and unsightly she was, she could only curl up into a ball. _The feeling will go away, it'll go away… _she chanted repeatedly in her head.

"Hey,"

She opened her eyes, and found the one person she could not face in this universe, right in front of her.

The raven-haired woman grinned. "Need a pillow for the night?" She said happily, sitting herself beside Vanille as she patted her lap gently.

_Oh, she was such a hypocrite,_ Vanille thought as she stared into Fang's forest green eyes. Whatever this huntress just said, she didn't hear; all Vanille knew was that just less than an hour ago, she told Lightning that she didn't want to see her again, but right now, all she _wanted _to see was Lightning. "Hey, Fang…" She started quietly.

"Hmm?"

Vanille forced a smile. "Walk with me?" No. That wasn't what she intended to say. _What are you doing? _

The huntress shrugged her shoulders. "Sure, why not?" Standing up first, she offered a hand to the shorter girl to help her stand. "But it can't be for long, okay? It's already dark."

To which she automatically reached for, even though her mind and body were telling her to stop because she knew very well what this was going to lead to – _you're simply using her. You're using your childhood friend—_

"C'mon, let's go this way, it's safer than the any other." Fang pointed to a path. Obviously, she would know, since she was one of the ones of the group who bothered to venture in this lifeless world every day.

When they've walked far enough from the campsite, Vanille couldn't hold back. _She wanted it now. _"Fang," She called softly.

The huntress turned around, but before she could respond, Vanille walked forward and wrapped her arms around her neck, pushing her up against a tree as the girl's lips found their way to her own. She widened her eyes in surprise, as she had no idea what this was all about, but she didn't feel like asking; if this was what Vanille wanted, then she would gladly comply…

_I love her I love her I love her I love her—_Vanille chanted in her head—_Fang's the one I love Fang's the one I love Fang's the one I love— _with force, she reached for the huntress' hand and directed it to her exposed waist, encouraging her to feel her, to _pleasure _her. Vanille moaned into the kiss as Fang's calloused hand ran up her back, intentionally slipping under that pink fabric at the same time to feel more of her soft skin. She bucked her hips forward as her hands ran through the huntress' wavy raven hair – this was exactly the way she wanted; this was gentle and passionate at the same time, this was so wrong but it felt so right, this… this was exactly the way Lightning did her—

"…!" She gasped and took a step back when one of Fang's hands wandered to her breast, surprising the latter once again. For a second, Vanille gathered up enough courage to glance at Fang, but that courage instantly faded; she resolved to look onto the grass below. It was so clear – there was no way she could face her. There was no way she could look at Fang the same way again, because right now, all she could see was _her_.

"Why'd you stop?" The taller woman asked coolly, her expression blank. Getting no reply, she took the queue to approach the redhead, this time pushing _her _against the nearest tree. Luckily for her, Vanille backed up without much difficulty – it was almost as if she wasn't even trying to play hard-to-get… or whatever she was trying to do. With ease, Fang reached for the girl's wrists and moved them above the latter's head, pinning them against the rough bark with one hand. Smiling, she figured that Vanille wasn't fighting back because she wanted this, so she leaned in until her lips came in contact with her smooth, white skin at her neck. Fang kissed, nibbled, and bit onto her most neck, experimenting with her most sensitive parts, and taking in her whimpers and gasps as encouragement with joy. She wanted to do this so long ago – _before the crystallization, to be exact _– but never had the opportunity. She thought that Vanille wasn't ready, and that, perhaps, she didn't even want this. Plus, it wasn't like they had the privacy or the time to do it. But now… having sex in the middle of Gran Pulse? Who knew Vanille had such a wild side to her? And she was the one who initiated, too. This girl must be pretty damn desperate, Fang figured.

"Aah…" The girl moaned and threw her head back. She was trying so hard to enjoy this. She was trying so hard to fall in love with this woman _all over again_, she was trying so hard to forget about her mistakes… she was trying so hard… _to imagine Lightning being the one kissing and touching her._ Yes… no matter how hard she tried to denyit, Lightning – _that sadistic woman – _was all that came to mind. Vanille fought the urge to moan out her name, she tried not to let this scent that wasn't Lightning's bother her, she tried she tried she _tried—_

Fang's teeth scraped down the redhead's throat, toying with her reactions. She loved the way Vanille would gasp when she sucked too lightly, and she loved how she would sigh so damn sensually when she did it too hard. But what amused her most was that she wasn't really vocal during sex; which was really odd because she was usually loud during any other situation. Regardless, Fang continued on, pleasuring the younger's skin like there was no tomorrow. But she decided that it was time to elevate this to another level; she wanted to be rougher, she didn't want to hold back. She was sure as hell that Vanille wouldn't mind, otherwise, why would she have initiated in the first place? Taking her chances, Fang unclasped her fellow Pulsian's accessories from the back; she let everything fall to the grass as she hurried to remove the last of Vanille's clothing – _she was dying to see her._

Right now, in this era, Vanille realized that nobody except for Lightning had seen her completely exposed. "Fang, I…" Her voice shook nervously as she spoke; her arms moved to cover herself as the older Pulsian stared at her with mesmerized eyes. _I don't want you to look at me._

The girl's hesitance and the lack of light did little to stop her from staring. Fang had never felt so vicious in her life. At this moment, all she wanted to do was to devour this sweet little prey in front of her. She smirked and moved in; close enough so that her breath could tickle Vanille's skin. "What's with the shyness all of a sudden?" She purred, "Not having second thoughts, are we?"

_Yes, as a matter of fact, _Vanille thought. _Actually, I don't even know what I want right now. I don't even know what I'm doing. _

"No answer?" Fang whispered. The redhead jumped at her voice, feeling slightly _disgusted _when she questioned her like that, but unable to word her feelings out. "Then, let's go on."

_No. _No. No, she didn't want this, Vanille finally decided – she couldn't do this to her closest friend. Before the huntress could feel her again, she reflexively grabbed onto the former's wrists and stared at her sternly. She had to put an end to this. She had to tell her. "Fang, no, I…" _Just say it just say it just say it— _"… I-I can't…"

"Hmm?" She raised a brow, confused. Just a moment ago, she was being so submissive… "Vanille, what's wrong?"

"I am." The girl answered without thinking. "For… doing this to you, I'm wrong."

Fang chuckled. "What are you talking about? Surely, there's nothing wrong with this. I mean, it's not like—"

"Fang," Vanille interrupted. When all was silent, she went on, "You don't understand,"

"Well, of course I don't understand! You're pretty much talking in riddles!" She laughed, taking everything in as a joke – like she always did.

The girl's grip on her wrists tightened. She was at her limit – she couldn't hide this any longer. Even if this wasn't going to benefit her, even if this wasn't going to make that _woman _admit her feelings for her, Vanille was going to tell her. "Listen," She began, "Fang, I'm not the innocent little Oerba Dia Vanille you've known five hundred years ago."

She blinked. "Of course you're not, you've grown up so much—"

"Please," Vanille cut her off, "Listen to me, I'm really, _really _not who I used to be…"

Her brow still arched, Fang was getting somewhat impatient. What the hell was this girl trying to say? Why the hell did she look so damn serious?

"In just two days…" Vanille swallowed, "… I fell in love."

"…"

"I fell in love with someone else, Fang, and it wasn't because I was losing feelings for you."

"What…"

She had to finish, "It had nothing to do with that silly fight we had – it was all because of me. I fell in love with her because…" Shutting her eyes tightly, Vanille tried to put it in words. But how could she possibly do so? It was humiliating just thinking about it. "… I-I… we…"

"That's enough," Fang said quietly.

The forest suddenly became twice as quiet. Vanille remained still as she didn't _dare _to agitate her childhood much more.

Then, the huntress started to chuckle unexpectedly. It sounded so malicious, Vanille had never heard Fang like this before. "You…" Her chuckling stopped, "… you're trying to be funny, are you?"

Vanille could only shake her head.

Fang clenched her teeth. "Tell me you're joking."

She shook her head again.

The huntress wasn't buying this. "I bet you the others are hiding somewhere, and they're all going to jump out and yell 'surprise' when I fall for this—"

"No, Fang. They're not." Vanille said, shame in her voice, "It's just you and me. Nobody's going to jump out. What I'm telling you is true – every single word."

"…"

Vanille could hear the wind blowing in the trees, and that was all. Silence had never sounded this dangerous.

"What exactly…" Fang started quietly, "Would come out of this…? What do you want me to do?"

Pathetically, she shook her head again. "I don't know…"

"Do you want me to tell you that it's okay? That I don't care that your heart has changed? Is that what you want, Vanille?"

"I don't know…"

"Dragging me out here… making me do this to you… is it a way to provoke her? Do you want her to see this? Do you want your _knight _to come and stop me and save you?"

_Yes, that was probably it. _"… I… I don't know—"

"THEN WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW?" She raised her voice. Her fists clenched up, and she threw one to the side of the girl's head, right at the bark of the tree.

It was strange, Vanille couldn't react to her childhood friend's violence. The strength from Fang's fist sent shocks all over the tree she was leaning on, yet she couldn't find the reflex to even jump. Instead, an all-too direct answer came to mind, "… I-I just know that I don't want to lie to you again." She waited for some sort of response, but all she could hear was Fang's heavy breathing. "… You've already… already done so much for me, I don't want to hide anything from you anymore…"

"I've done so much for you… and you come to tell me this?" Fang nearly bellowed. "So, now what? Do you expect me to just walk away?

Remorse and shame aside, right now Vanille felt more stupid for repeating herself so much. "Fang… I really don't know."

The huntress scoffed. "Then, Vanille, tell me," Her voice softened significantly. "What is it that she has, that I don't?"

_Good question. _Vanille herself did not know. Beauty, elegance, power, or personality? The two women each have their own individual and unique traits; they each have their own positive and negative sides – it was utterly impossible to just _compare_ two beings that were so different. But the real question here was… what the hell did she see in Lightning? What did Lightning had that Fang did not, and at the same time, how come she was able to pull her away from such a stable and long relationship with a mere snap of a finger?

"Vanille," Fang called.

The girl looked down at the grass. "I…"

"Answer me."

She shook her head. "… I don't know…"

Gravity had suddenly intensified by tenfold for Fang. It was like she could no longer stand up straight; the force of Pulse was dragging, pulling even the blood inside of her downwards, and she couldn't move. This feeling was anger and confusion mixed together – no doubt – but never had she felt it so strange. Maybe she was losing it? "Vanille…"

"…"

"If you can at least give me an answer that isn't so ambiguous, I would be more satisfied." Fang stated weakly.

She watched as the taller woman backed up, almost in a slow motion. "Fang…"

"I-if you can't give me one right now…"

Vanille could feel her arteries twisting in pain. Somehow, she could tell that Fang was feeling the same – perhaps even more so than the pain of twisting arteries.

"… I'll… I'll give you time – as much as you have left – to think it over. So please, come talk to me when you have an answer."

A tear rolled down her cheek. Vanille had never seen her childhood friend act this way before. Now, she could not fathom the amount of pain running through Fang's heart.

The huntress did not say anything else, nor did she allow Vanille to say anything. Soundlessly, she turned around and disappeared into the dark woods with haste, leaving the young redhead there, still leaning against the tree.

Even knowing that it was pointless, "I'm so sorry…" Vanille said it loud enough for her to hear. She sat down – her back scraping at the bark of the tree as she moved downwards. But the girl didn't mind that she was scarring herself, as she knew that she should go through much more than physical pain to repent for her mistakes and sins – because right now, she was still very, _very _sure what she stupidly wanted. Vanille wanted _her_, even at this moment.

"Come out." The girl whispered into the air, knowing that _she _was there to hear it.

A quiet call of a wild animal, a wind blowing in the leaves, and that was all.

Vanille buried her head in her knees. "Come out…" She said again.

This time, only the wind was heard.

She began to shake. Whether from shame or hatred towards herself, Vanille didn't care; all she knew was that she wanted that woman for no apparent reason at all. "Lightning…"

Footsteps.

She didn't want to raise her head, but she knew that she was approaching.

"What exactly did you think," It was the soldier's voice. It was getting louder because she was coming closer. "… would have come out from doing that to her?"

Vanille looked up. Sure enough, the strawberry-blonde was kneeling in front of her, staring into her eyes, emotionless as usual. The girl fought the urge to throw her arms around that heartless woman. Instead, she smiled stupidly at her. "Your presence."

Lightning remained still. "Just to see me?"

She nodded.

"Why?"

"I thought I told you."

Lightning looked down. "I meant why," She tried to dig out more appropriate words, "Why choose someone like me over her?"

Vanille merely stared at her leader. Her mind was blank; she really could not think of the answer right now. "Then why are you here? Why were you following me if I'm a 'nobody' to you?"

She narrowed her brows. "I don't need to answer you."

Hearing that, Vanille prolonged her smile. "Then, neither do I." She took the soldier's hand into her own.

"What are you doing?" Lightning's voice darkened. She _hated _physical contact.

The girl simply stared into those deep blue eyes in response. "Can you grant me a simple request?"

Confused, the soldier stayed quiet and waited for her to go on.

"Stay with me tonight," She shifted her position, letting her head rest on Lightning's shoulder as she slouched her body's weight towards the woman. "It doesn't matter what you want to do with me later on; I just want to see you beside me when I wake up tomorrow morning."

Lightning unintentionally relaxed. She sat down on the grass and found herself a comfortable position. "What if I say no?"

The smile found its way back to Vanille's face. Finally, her arms moved to circle around the soldier's waist. "Had Fang and I gone any further…" She randomly started, ignoring her leader's question. "… would you have come out to stop us?"

There was a reason why Lightning was here – why she was close by. And, yes, stopping them was one of the reasons. "No."

"…"

"But I can't say the same if had you been screaming her name."

Vanille looked up.

Lightning's nails dug into the skin of the girl's exposed waist as she held her closer. "I want you to scream mine. Only mine." That was a lie. The soldier couldn't say the same regardless; whatever Fang was doing earlier, she could see it all – and throughout the entire time, she was using the best of her abilities to hold herself back from pulling that trigger. "What you do and with whom you sleep with – I do not care," She continued to lie. "I just don't want you to scream anybody else's name but mine."

The girl closed her eyes and endured the pain that the strawberry-blonde was giving her. Lightning was scraping her nails on her waist, and Vanille was pretty sure that she was bleeding. Biting on her lower lip, she fought to cry out. "Y-you…" Through the pain, she managed to sit up to straddle her legs around Lightning, "… you're not very good at lying…"

Her brows narrowed. The muscles in her jaws flexed uneasily. A free hand moved lower to grope the girl's firm bottom as she dug her nails deeper into her waist. By now, she was clawing at the little flesh that Vanille had. "Give me another word of bullshit, and I'll tear you inside out."

She moaned to Lightning's dangerous grunt. Thrusting her hips forward, she made it apparent that she was dying for this. She was getting so damn wet from this pain… "Onee-san…!"

The soldier breathed in sharply.

"I…! Y-you're hurting me…!"

Her fingers softened immediately. With subtlety, she rubbed at the scars that she just gave the girl from the side of her waist to her stomach, easing the pain. "I want you to know,"

Vanille realized she couldn't sit straight when Lightning pulled away. Suddenly at a loss of balance, her weak limbs searched for something to hold onto—

"Vanille," A hand moved to frame the redhead's face. Those hazy emerald orbs screamed with need when she looked directly into them. "You're nobody to me." Her fingers moved between the girl's inner thighs and, brushing along those wet, thin panties, she continued to speak with that darkened tone. "That's why only I can hurt you."

Her breath uneven, Vanille was long lost in trance, but she was still taking in Lightning's words, and – _god _– were they fucking turning her on. No matter how heartless they sounded, the girl could tell – Lightning was a liar. The woman was just as much as a hypocrite as herself. "Yes…!" When those slender digits began to rub in circles at her clit, Vanille could see white. "I-I… onee-san, I… unn…!"

Lightning stayed quiet. She pushed the fabric aside and pushed her middle finger into her softness; at the same time, her thumb continued to perform its magic on that swollen clit. Not long after, a second finger joined in, and she dug her head into the crook of the girl's neck, biting onto her sweaty skin like there was no tomorrow.

"Ah…a-ah… onee-s-san…!" Vanille embraced the soldier with all her might as she panted wordlessly into the latter's ear. Vanille dug her fingers into the back of her leader's head, forcefully drawing her closer so that her teeth could bite deeper, harder, _more violently—_

"… _So please, come talk to me when you have an answer."_

Answer. An answer? _Answer? _

"Onee-san… onee-san…!" She screamed with rhythm as she rocked her hips wildly.

_Hn. There was no answer. Even if there was…_

"I-I… I love you…! I love you…!"

… _it was far too simple to be a 'satisfying' answer. _

* * *

><p><em><strong>I didn't forget about this fic, guys… just that… well, I wasn't sure if anyone would want to continue to read something so mean and over-the-top. Regardless, I decided to upload this because I actually like where the plot is going :3<strong>_

_**Support L/V and reviewwwwwwwww please!  
><strong>_


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